COMMENTS about this common problem: It isn't easy to have a successful youth program. Success takes work and using your head. There is no sense in compounding the effort by shooting your self in the foot, or worse. My advice? Keep the following warning in mind.
(1) Assuming: Assuming that things will turn out as they should can create disaster. Planning without considering possible problems is foolish. Always have a back up plan and an alternate direction. Just in case. You look bad when "unforeseen conditions" strip you of your leadership. Assuming creates an environment that invites "Murphy's law." Murphy's law can catch you but O'Reilly's law is worse. O'Reilly's law is that Murphy was an optimist!
(2) Public Put-downs: You win no popularity points by putting down a kid or small group in public or from the platform. Even if they deserve it. The sympathy of the group will invariably go with the target of the put down.
(3) Blowing a Confidence: When you share information given you in confidence, you quickly lose respect from the embarrassed individual and ultimately, the whole group. Your integrity and credibility is shot! You may win a battle here, but you will certainly lose the war. Reading kid's private notes or correspondence publicly, no matter how funny it seems, will backfire every time. Here's what you do if the teen is going to tell you something real confidential and asks you to promise never to tell. Before he reveals his information say; "of course I won't betray your confidence, however, if it is something too big for us to handle, you will have to trust my love for you, my experience and wisdom to do what I feel necessary for your own good or the good of the others involved. You have to give me that liberty," otherwise don't pursue it further.
(4) Putting Down Parents or Family: Blood is truly thicker than water. You can't win siding with a kid as he complains about his parents or family. Better to reinforce his gut level feeling that his family really is concerned about him and wants to trust him and love him.
(5) Temper: Blowing up in front of your group or with one or more of your youth does irreparable harm to your integrity and right to leadership. You can't un-do a scene like that! Never blow your cool! It isn't cool to blow your cool. Your kids may forgive you but they will never forget the occasion.
(6) Blame: We live in a blame-oriented society. It is easy, and dangerous, to thoughtlessly "blame" someone. Think and get the facts right before you lay any blame on anyone. Remember we aren't called to be detectives! Alert fine; detectives never.
- Never blame a kid for what he didn't do!
- Never blame a kid for what you think he did; he may not have done it.
- Never blame your group for what they didn't do!
- Never blame your staff for something you did wrong. It may relieve your anger or frustration but it will cause you permanent damage.
- Never blame anyone for doing something they couldn't help doing, or doing the best they could, even if in your opinion it was wrong.
As a leader, sometimes it's necessary to accept the blame ... deserved or undeserved. Deal with the responsible party/parties later and privately. First take time to cool off.
(7) Punishing the Group: Never punish the "whole" for the actions of the "few", hoping that peer pressure will correct the "guilty" party. That simply doesn't work. The group sees you as unfair, very unfair! If pushed, this can unite them against you. Deal with "problem" kids as individuals. Act promptly and privately. Never publicly challenge: Win their love, loyalty and respect rather than demanding it.
(8) Backing Your Staff: Be sure never to leave your staff holding the bag or taking the blame you "mutually" share. Never cut down your staff individually or collectively. Never, but never cut them down publicly! Your lack of support will:
- dishearten them and/or ...
- make them indecisive and/or ...
- cause some or all to quit or ...
- galvanize them against you
It is far better for you to take the responsibility, deserved or undeserved.
(9) "I'm Never Wrong": Failing to admit you're wrong when you obviously have made a mistake is foolish. No leader can afford the luxury of covering up his pride. The rule: A private mistake demands a private apology; a public mistake demands a public apology. The longer you wait to apologize, the more you lose.
(10) Being Tardy: Being late or absent to your own activities and programs gives a clear signal to your group of staff and teens that you yourself aren't "that" interested in the program. It may well indicate you're not really interested in them. Be present, prepared, and early to your activities.
(11) Implementing the Wrong Idea: Implementing another man's program, idea or formula in your group without first thinking it out can be disastrous. Because it worked great for him does not mean it will work for you and your group. Go slow.
(12) "Buddy Buddy": Being a "buddy," "good guy" or "one of the boys" ... acting like a kid not an adult cancels your leadership. Reducing yourself to your group's maturity level to gain their acceptance will be at the expense of their respect and your authority. Kids want you to be what you are, a responsible mature leader. Invariably, a "buddy" or "good guy" finds it impossible to discipline and control his group. No effective youth man can afford to "kick back" with his youth group.
(13) Pushing Kids: Being a "boss" or "mom" or, worse, a "sergeant" ... forcing, obligating, sometimes intimidating your kids into doing what you want or what they don't feel they can do, aren't equipped to do, or flat out don't want to do, will at best get half-hearted results or, more likely, result in a no-show or on occasion force a confrontation! A good youth worker knows there are other ways of getting kids to do what you want them to do.
(14) Failure to Communicate: Failure to communicate to your church and church leadership what you as a youth worker are doing as well as the progress of your youth program, leaves a vacuum of ignorance in which your opponents thrive. And you do have opponents! Your church or supporting agency must know what you are doing and be convinced of it's value. In many ways your youth program is an invisible ministry. Communication isn't an option, it's essential to present a visible and productive youth program to your church and/or your supporters. To maintain support and silence critics, communicate!
(15) Borrowing Money: Borrowing budgeted money for personal use or using church/organizational equipment for your personal use, is very foolish. Nothing good can come of this.
(16) Independent Program: Drawing your youth away from your parent organization, teaching a different doctrine or philosophy or becoming your own identity will ultimately result in your dismissal. NOTE: A big youth group (more than 50% of your church attendance) will be a real threat to your church and pastor. This can be a problem.
(17) Neglecting Key Kids: Neglecting the children of your pastor, deacons or the politically influential will have trouble brewing in no time. When it comes to a youth program, parents believe everything their kids tell them about the program. Good or bad! Right or wrong. If the "key" kids are dissatisfied with you and/or the program, you're out!
(18) Writing on the Wall: Failure to read "trouble signs" and "correct" potential problems in time sets you up for a future crash, the kind of crash that can be fatal to your ministry. Often "trouble signs" aren't obvious, little signals and hints from key church leadership should be seriously considered.
(19) Inflation: Inflating yourself out of your ministry is like cutting your own throat. Don't get caught in the deadly cycle of "bigger and better." Bigger and better programs, bigger and better speakers, bigger and better videos, bigger and better fun activities can exhaust even the best youth worker to say nothing of his budget. Remember, what it takes to attract your kids to your program it will take to keep them in your program! Base your youth program on true value.
(20) Show of hands! Having your kids raise their hands to indicate how many will come to an activity can kill your activity right there! If the wrong people raise their hands or if people are slow to raise their hands ... you are dead! Sell the activity through one who is going to the activity! It makes sense. Only have a person that is going to the activity give the announcement about it.
(21) Canceling your meeting! Don't cancel! Find it hard to cancel! Canceling gives the wrong signal!
(22) Driving! Driving reckless can kill you (and others) Remember, the other side of hot driving; your kids will tell their folks how you drive, and kids exaggerate! And parents always believe their kids! Note; always be safe and responsible in all areas of your program, even if the kids plead otherwise! In the long run to be respected is better than being popular.
(23) Favoritism: Hanging out and working with your favorites can backfire, especially if your favorites aren't the "political influential" kids of the church!
(24) Seeing girls alone: If you're a guy, never be alone in a closed room (or area) with a girl or even two! It not only looks bad, it can end in disaster! Be cautious when it comes to a young girl. Falling for one of the kids in your youth program will cancel your ministry in short order.
(25) Going for compliant kids! Going after easy ... nice ... obedient "ho-hum" kids may seem the best course but take another look! Leader material is anything but compliant. Future "movers and shakers" move and shake and often at your expense! In most cases those called trouble makers will be your best future leaders! Go after leaders or you will end up with nothing but a weekly group of non-committed attendees!